By Soumini Menon | Developmental & Counselling Psychologist
“You should take a break.”
It’s one of the most common pieces of advice we give.
As therapists, coaches, managers, friends, and even strangers on the internet, we say it with good intentions. We encourage people to rest, to slow down, to prioritise themselves.
I recently took a few days away from work myself. Ironically, what stayed with me wasn’t how refreshed I felt, but how long it took for my nervous system to believe I was actually allowed to stop.
Even after years of talking about wellbeing, there was a quiet voice asking:
Shouldn’t you be doing something?
That experience reminded me that taking a break isn’t simply a practical decision.
It’s psychological.
It’s relational.
And often, it’s political.
Not Everyone Has the Same Relationship With Rest
When we tell someone to “take a break,” we’re often imagining what a break looks like from our own lives. But rest is deeply shaped by our circumstances.
For a new mother, a break may simply be ten uninterrupted minutes with a hot cup of tea.
For a CEO building a company, it might mean switching off notifications for one evening without fearing everything will collapse.
For a student preparing for competitive exams, it may mean allowing themselves one afternoon without feeling guilty for not studying.
For someone living with chronic illness, rest isn’t a luxury it’s a necessity that can still carry immense guilt.
And for someone worrying about paying rent, supporting ageing parents, or surviving paycheck to paycheck, “taking a break” may not feel like an available option at all.
When advice ignores these realities, it can unintentionally create shame. People don’t just hear, “Take care of yourself.” They hear,“If you’re not resting, you’re doing wellbeing wrong.”
The Invisible Guilt Around Rest
Even when we do have the opportunity to pause, many of us struggle to enjoy it. Instead, our minds become busy.
Am I falling behind?
Will people think I’m not committed enough?
What if opportunities pass me by?
Have I earned this yet?
These aren’t simply individual thoughts. They are often products of the cultures we grow up in. Many of us were praised for achievement long before we were appreciated for simply being. We learned that productivity brought approval. Being useful made us valuable. Doing more meant becoming enough. No wonder slowing down can feel unsafe.
Self-Care Isn’t Just an Individual Responsibility
One of the challenges with today’s self-care culture is that it often places the responsibility entirely on the individual.
Feeling burnt out?
Take a vacation.
Feeling overwhelmed?
Meditate.
Exhausted?
Set better boundaries.
These suggestions aren’t wrong. Many of them genuinely help. But they can become incomplete when they ignore the environments people live and work in.
No amount of mindfulness can compensate for exploitative workplaces. No breathing exercise can eliminate financial insecurity. No morning routine can replace supportive relationships or equitable systems.
When we focus only on the individual, we risk implying that burnout is a personal failure instead of asking what conditions made burnout inevitable in the first place.
Perhaps We Need a Broader Definition of Rest
Maybe rest isn’t always about taking time off. Maybe it’s about creating moments where our nervous system experiences safety.
Sometimes that’s a weekend away.
Sometimes it’s laughing with a friend.
Sometimes it’s saying no without explaining yourself.
Sometimes it’s asking for help.
Sometimes it’s choosing not to optimise every minute of your day.
And sometimes, especially during difficult seasons of life, rest simply means removing one tiny layer of pressure instead of trying to escape it altogether.
A More Compassionate Conversation
As mental health professionals, educators, leaders and parents, perhaps we can become more curious before we prescribe self-care.
Instead of asking,
“Why aren’t you taking a break?”
we might ask,
“What makes taking a break difficult for you right now?”
That question creates space for context. It acknowledges that rest is influenced by caregiving, finances, identity, work cultures, health, and countless other realities. Most importantly, it reminds people that struggling to rest doesn’t mean they’re failing. It often means they’re carrying more than we can see. Because ultimately, the goal isn’t to convince everyone to take the same kind of break.
It’s to help people find moments of restoration that fit the life they’re actually living—not the life we imagine they should have.
Soumini Menon is a developmental and counselling psychologist with over 15 years of experience. She works with children, individuals, families and communities. Her work draws on narrative and arts-based practices to support people in making sense of their stories, especially around trauma, identity, and relationships.
